IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
