you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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