I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
