I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
