I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
