does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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