Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
