I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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