he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
