Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
