It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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