I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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