Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
