just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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