I puked a lego.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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