I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
