Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Who died my cat blue again?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
