Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
