New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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