youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
