i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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