Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize