Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have tasted many bathrooms
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
