maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
