ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
