well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
