I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
