its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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