you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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