i permit you to call me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
