i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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