i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
