he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
