The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
