What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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