You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
