i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
