I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
