just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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