I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
