I hate your face
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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