You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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