The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You made out with two different species that night
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
