Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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