things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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