i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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