Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
