I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize