another moral hangover. fuck.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
