when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
