Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
