he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
