Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
