she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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