oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
