did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
