the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
