dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
