In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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