She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
