Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She said her name was "party"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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