I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
