2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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