I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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