You can't motorboat a personality
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
