why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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