Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
